-the most fucking useless thing I've ever thought of so far. I mean, seriously, I sit next to the phone all day, so what's the point of setting up- Corny, don't eat that-! [Beep]



[ooc Plz leave a message if you need to get in contact with Cal ic-ly and there aren't any other good posts up/you don't want to threadjack. This is actually the perfect place to avoid threadjacking. Anyway, just say what the message is in the subject of the comment, and decorate accordingly. We'll have a grand old time.]

...I got off the wrong bus, didn't I? Is this Chicago? Look, I know I haven't been since the Sanitation Crisis, but it couldn't change that much from, you know, hole in the ground, to...

Shit did that guy just have cat ears.

I thought I stopped having these dreams years ago.

Cal Thompson, yes, I know the mayor of New York, no, I will not autograph your book (unless you ask nicely), please point me in the direction of my cat, seeing as this place ate it back in '12.

[ooc ffwd 200 years? Pearl is still the mayor, he looks the same and has written... lots and lots of books >> And misses his kitty like the manly man he is, kthnx.]

[Voice Post | | Muffled]

Dad?

Daaaad?

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaa- [Muffled bang. "Ow!" can be heard.]

D-dad. Can I come out, now? I promise I'll, uh. Stay in the shadows? I'll be good. I won't bite anyone!

And could you slip some food under the door or something? The cat's starting to get hungry.

[/Voice Post | | Muffled]

so pRetty i hAd to Eat hiM

[Cal sees the words through shadows on the wall; they were painted on with something-- what?-- before painted over with cheap water-based blue. He leans closer, and... well, he scratches before sniffing the letters before him.]

Dude, that's weird.

Smell is the most sensitive of our senses. [Not that a normal human could sense what Cal can from just one sniff. Just one, and he knows what it was painted in.]

[Blood, for starters. But that wasn't all. The iron of blood was joined by the meaty smell of bone, and the saltiness of musle, the flat scent of liver.]

[Gristle.]

[Morgan had painted the words in gristle.]

What the hell are you doing?

Well...

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear children,
Happy birthday to... me.

How old are you, now?
How old are you, now?
How old am I n-

...Wow. That's embarassing. Uh, sorry.

[ooc Yes, it is his birthday. No, he didn't tell anyone. The dumbass.]

Sometimes things don't make sense.

You know Wolbachia? Of course you do, but I'll refresh your memory; Wolbachia is this crazy parasite in most worms and lice out there. There are literally trillions of species of insects out there that are completely, 100% infected with Wolbachia.

And when I say infected, I mean totally infected. The species with Wolbachia literally cannot live without the little parasite creeping in them. Listen, here's what it does. Inside whichever bug it's in, it'll go into the genes of the unborn larva and make it so the yet-to-be-born bug is, well, born with Wolbachia. It's passed maternally, mother-to-mother, but also paternally, by way of, again, gene screwery, to make it so that the males can't produce offspring unless they mate with another infected female. If they try to mate with a healthy buggie, their offspring will be mutated and die.

It gets better. If you try to 'cure' a bug with Wolbachia of the Wolbachia, say, like, a filarial worm with antibiotics, the filarial worm can't reproduce. That's right, without the Wolbachia in its system, filarial worms become completely barren and impotent.

( no ic cut: long tl;dr is long )

Groceries:

Bacon
Veal
Ground Beef
More Rubber Bands
Bleach
Kitty Litter
Batteries
Ramen

To Do List:

Definitive Sanity Test?
Definitive Sanity Test
Definitive Sanity Test
Sleep
Get Rid Of Rats
Go Outside.

Oh, wow, hi. Why did I just post that?

[ooc Strikes plainly visible. *asleep; will catch tags on the morn*]

( Private | | Hackable )

Oh, god. Let's get this outta everyone's system, okay? Hip and trendy pop-culture references to aliens on the beach go here.

I think that's more Indipendence Day, than The Day The Earth Stood Still, if you're confused. Because the aliens in one look like my kinda like my uncle, where the aliens in the other one look like...

Well, they look like the shit running around outside, actually.

Okay, creepy Hellsing people. Here's your report. Left open because... well, everyone deserves to know? Oh, and also, I suck at privatizing.

( Report on the Pseudo-Black Plague )

[ooc Approved by Nic-mun. MY SCIENCE IS SOMETIMES WRONG; DON'T BLAME CAL IF IT IS. Just send me an ooc note and will fixxu ♥]

[Voice Post]

Oh, dear Christ. I think... I think a need an adult.

Because the irony of being eaten by my own cat is way too poetic or whateverthefuck for me to properly appreciate right now.

...help.

[/Voice Post]

Okay, kids, something is shitty in Denmark or whatever.

Black plague. I know Black Plague, I took classes on it for the Watch and I worked with it for that curse way back when, I know Black Death.

And I don't wanna be all dramatic, but this is not Black Death. This is like... very clever imitation black plague. This is what McDonalds Cheeseburgers are to actual cow meat. Very close, and yet... doesn't quite taste right.

Okay, maybe bad analogy.

But, like, dude, people are getting bitten by rats? Yeah, you can get it that way, but it's most commonly via rat flea. And just... other shit like that. Now isn't really the time for me to go science on somebody's ass.

I've been Batman, Robin's been helping me, and we're gonna keep doing that. If you have the Plague and I haven't seen you yet, tell me, okay? That'd be good.

[ooc Investimatigin the Black Death, 's canon >> With pink-haired sidekick. Sorry if this post is late D: Anyone is free to godmod being seen by Cal or whatever, just, you know, tell me beforehand/afterwards, likewise, feel free to say you've found out whatever info about the plague you'd like. Cal isn't so social so people can say they've found as much evidence as they'd like to get things rolling ♥]

...Is it possible to get the skin on your knuckles worn away from a cat's tongue? Because I'm starting to loose feeling in my hands. Today's become one of those rare 'put on a shirt' days since my cat decided I tasted like nummy time.

And before you ask, no, I haven't licked myself yet. Whichever one of you can speak to animals here can ask Corny, though, he's using all the powers a cat has of sneaking up on people in an attempt to eat me.

[ooc I can't choose between Bacon flavor or Peeps Flavor... so I guess both. Mmm, tasty.]

This is like the seconds time this has happened? I can deal with that. I even had some clean clothes ready for last time. I can think like five seconds ahead sometimes. Really.

So, I should go out. I mean, outer. 'Cause I'm already out.

I know, I'm psyched, too.

[ooc Mirror City Cal... has no parasite. and will require somewhere to stay. In the meanwhile, he will be dropping in on everyone. He. Knows. Especially if he hasn't met y'all in person yet.]

I'm more of a meat pie guy, myself. But I'm willing to accept donations.

[ooc Late, so he was unaffected. Really, I won't be around at all for this and will have to backdate like crazy, but, dude. Why did no one else think of this? Shame, shame, shame.]

Cal Thompson's lame-ass excuse to break up:

"I might turn you into a vampire - you see how it is"

'What is your lame-ass excuse to break up?' at QuizGalaxy.com

So, today looks like it's going to suck.

Did you know that ants have a religion?

It's caused by slimeballs. Dicrocoelium Dendriticum, but even the big parasite geeks like me don't say that out loud (though I have got it memorized) we just say 'Lancet Flukes'. 'Flukes' for short.

These flukes start out in the stomach, the stomach of a cow, to be exact. Not really surprising, most parasites have a kink for stomachs (free food!) and cows are ruminants, so they've got four of 'em. Now, If a cow with lancet flukes takes a dump, some lancet flukes do what they things in the stomach are prone to, they go with the food. And then, shit, they're out of where they wanted to be the most, in the cow's stomach. (free food, remember?)

Now, a snail comes along and eats the cow pie, 'cause that's what snails do. To them, it's like a delicacy, don't judge. And now the snail is infected, and the parasite's gotta get outta there and back to the cow. So it does. It drills through the snail's skin after the lancet fluke eggs have hatched in the snail's belly. Ew is right. But! The snail's got one way to protect itself! You guessed it, slime! The slime lubricates the lancet fluke's egress and so the snail survives the holes drilled, and it effectively becomes a slimeball. But the lancet flukes still aren't back home in a cow's belly.

Lucky for them, ants? They love slimeballs. It's a delicacy to them; don't judge. The ants eat the flukes, and the flukes get ready for mind control. You can argue if ants really have minds or not all you want, but end result is, ants get religion. The flukes control the ant's nerves and switch their behavior, and, every night, the ants do something pretty flukey ...Ants are pretty social, if you didn't know, but their new lancet fluke religion makes the infected ant wander off all by its lonesome and stand on the top of tall blades of grass and just stares at the sky, all night, alone, for no apparent reason.

I always think to myself, what does it think it's doing? Ants may not think. Not anything. Not ever. But if they do? Maybe they think magical creatures are coming down and talking to them, or maybe aliens are coming to take them away, or maybe Dicrocoelium Dendriticum really is a religion, and the ants think God will talk to them if they just sit on that blade of grass long enough.

I like to think the ant is happy, or centered or something, when the cow's mouth comes down for a snack and takes a bite out of that ant's little blade of grass.

I know the flukes are happy. They're back in the cow's stomach. Home sweet home.

But... you know. I wonder sometimes, especially here, if we're the ants.

What I really want is some Jaws theme music, because that'd really just make my day. Aside from thanking god in heaven above that I'm still, you know, on land. Because it doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that me + crowed boat + freezing water = not a fun time.

But, you know, you guys. Live it up. You know me. Here. Always happy to live vicariously through you. Tell me, how does that wine taste? Or champagne or whatever they drink on those things. 'Cause I've never been on a cruise, okay, guys? I once flew from Austin to Manhattan, though, and boy were my arms tired.

And, uh, what's this I hear about Jack and Rose? Tell me you're not serious.

[Voice Post | | Assuredly Accidental]

[Crash! Clatter, clatter, pause.]

-And how... Whatever. I'll take my gift horse and eat it, too. Oh, um... Probably should stop talking out lou...

Huh? Oh, it's on. [Creaking floorboards; the outside world needs maintenance. Tap, tap.] It's recording? Huh. Lucky coincidence. [Pause, laughter.] Well, hold a sec...

[More clicking, but a different kind, and distant; latches being latched, snaps being snapped.]

Alright... So, uh, hey, world. Figuring this is only gonna last for a day, might as well make the most of it: I'm gonna, like, go around and generally have a party. Anyone coming with me?

[/Voice Post | | Assuredly Accidental]

( explanation: )

Seriously.

The next time one of you says I'm over-cautious about spreading a virulent disease, I'm pointing to this incident. This is over-caution. And kind of nuts. I'm practical.

That being said, I think if I actually tried to clean my apartment, I'd unearth... fossils and crap. Jesus. I can't see the floor anymore.

...And I'm perfectly fine with that.

I don't... eat food that isn't meat. I used to, but after a while it kind of got redundant. I don't need my parasite any more pissed off at me than it already is.

So I missed the waffle train, it looks like. Cornelius ate some of them, but I managed to abstain. Are they like the last City-sponsored food? Do you grow an extra head if you eat 'em?

I'm just living vicariously though you guys, don't mind me.